I cried. And cried. But I didn’t mourn her well.

If I were to meet HER today? I will let it go. The ones that love you, you want not. The ones you want, want others. Or they have an imperfection you can’t do anything about. I thought life would be better with her. My delusion. She was my perfect mum. Nothing could ever set us apart. But I was too Delulu. How could this be. It was all an illusion. I always questioned what’s the point?

I dream. But dreams die. Don’t they?

Even she died chasing a good life for her kids.

She truly died. Makes my teardrop.

I once told a man about my wish. To be a wifey. Just a wife. Spending time with my kids. Just working on my small projects at home. My man, My provider. Him. My sole breadwinner. I don’t want to work. I want someone to fend for me. All this while. I’ve been fending for myself. Everyone for Themselves right? That’s what they say.

I soon came to the realization that, you should never share your delusional wishes. They’ll think of you as retarded. Not hardworking. Wanting to eat from a spoon who’s farm you never sow.

I wish she was here with me. To listen. To take care. To mother me. And maybe to teach me how to cook. But probably she is happy wherever she is. She’s resting. The eternity rest. I wished I got a last hug. Maybe I wouldn’t hurt this much. Maybe this world would be teaching me lessons, because I missed that class from HER. Wahenga won today. I can’t blame her. I blame it. That curse, DEATH.

There are things I wanted to say but I couldn't. Questions I wanted to ask but got stuck with me. Time was a factor. As it has always been.

I needed to believe that she left. Left for days, weeks, years. Because maybe, she left for something. Something remarkable, something worthy of her exhaustion.

But I, I'm left alone. People try to fill the gap but they can’t. I’m left with a few shady memory of us. The us no one could ever fill. The Memories. The Memories I remember I'm frightened of forgetting. To forget her was to be left with nothing.

I’m left to mother my siblings. The real love I experienced once. Or maybe twice with the small visits I had while in pre-school. The love I know nothing about. I try to keep alive. Fend for them. But how can I when I can’t even get that myself.

This world’s love is cruel. It lies. Very deceitful. The same people that would tell you they love you. Will hate you for who you are. So I have to mask it all. I have to mask my dark secrets. Cause if I tell them they’ll judge me. I can’t even say my truth. Cause my truth will hurt them so bad that they would despise who I am.

But what am I left with? I’m left with dreams to chase. I might be running too fast, so they have to chase me. I might have also skipped a few chapters in this. I’m at the verge of depression. I don’t do drugs but a bottle of KC Pineapple won’t hurt, at least I’ll black out, pretend I’m dead for a minutes then revive.

I wouldn’t judge my friend who favorite song is, “I miss my dead friends” by Suicide Boys. Actually, his favourite artist is Suicide Boys. I wouldn’t mind if they produced a song title, “I miss my dead Mom” dedicated to me.

ORITI Mama Oritii.

Comments (18)

• Paris L.

  November 23, 2025

  Thank you for this piece, i enjoyed it, it touched me, so realistic.

  ❤️1(1)

  👍 React

• Paris L.

  November 23, 2025

  Wow!

  ❤️1(1)

  👍 React

• Sunday

  November 19, 2025

  This is so touching 🔥🔥 Mama we really enjoyed your prescence but once you left.......😪😪😪 The writter of this piece is so blessed. On point✅️✅️

  ❤️1(1)

  👍 React

• aDUNGA

  November 19, 2025

  I wish their was a way to ascertain the coming of death. When, just when is it coming?

  ❤️1(1)

  👍 React

• Nathan

  November 18, 2025

  Its painful when we realise momma teach us everything.but doesn't teach us how to leave without them.and there it comes with this kind of pain that we can only say sorry to ourselves

  ❤️1(1)

  👍 React

• Nathan

  November 18, 2025

  Sometimes we lack words for this kind of painfull remarks about our gone parents and friends but to let them go easy...as we remain behind with goals to achieve although some of them were part of our drawn plan to achieve the goals♥️

  ❤️1(1)

  👍 React

• Monica

  November 18, 2025

  It bring out real image to the audience and the fact that we can't change anything in matter loosing those that we love most, give it a pure creativity in real life situations, to learn to push on every other day with the little energy remaining to accomplish our objectives and goals in planet earth while the sun still shine on our face , each and every day waking up breathing is a blessing and a signal that triggers to keep moving we and reminds us that we still have a long race to complete. Keep going take it from where others have left it , leave an impact behind but you need not to kill yourself by trying and pushing so hard sometimes it drains you ,trust God purpose for you ,and work inline with it 💯

  ❤️2(2)

  👍 React

• Stannito

  November 18, 2025

  Comes a time we'll defeat death🥶😪😪

  ❤️1😢1(2)

  👍 React

• Mike

  November 18, 2025

  Just MASTERPIECE 🔥❤️

  ❤️1(1)

  👍 React

• Ren

  November 18, 2025

  Just reincarnate mum. She ain't all asleep

  ❤️4(4)

  👍 React

• Sam

  November 18, 2025

  Your words cut straight to the part of the heart we never show… the place only a mother ever reached. Grief like that doesn’t fade — it molds you, it grows the fight in a person

  ❤️3👍1(4)

  👍 React

• Makos

  November 18, 2025

  Your words hold so much emotions, felt every line.

  👍2❤️1😢1(4)

  👍 React

• Gaks

  November 17, 2025

  I have no words....

  👍1❤️1😂1(3)

  👍 React

• Phelix Leakey

  November 17, 2025

  just be you better days are coming

  ❤️2👍1(3)

  👍 React

• 🍫LEE🦋

  November 17, 2025

  It comes not with cruelty,but with quiet certainty—like dusk folding into night,or tides returning to shore.No bargain delays it,no prayer rewrites its path😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔..........So sad and at the same time it's very painful

  ❤️2😢1(3)

  👍 React

• Kenah@Sphinx

  November 17, 2025

  This is a deeply raw and honest piece about grief.Indeed grief has no redundancy or backup protocol.

  👍1😂1😮1(3)

  👍 React

• Andy

  November 17, 2025

  If I were to meet her today, i wouldn’t let it go😩! Masterpiece work!!

  ❤️2(2)

  👍 React

• Lokumu

  November 16, 2025

  Heartfelt

  ❤️5(5)

  👍 React