Tirries Tuesday. That's what he meant. ‘Send them!’....Omanji had insisted that we opt to video call every Tuesday. He was out of town for a business meeting.

Last Tuesday, we slept on the same bed. It was my first time sharing a bed with him. He acted impulsively. Pretty rough would be an understatement. His touch felt like a violation. He touched my womanhood… something special… I flinched. I desperately tried to defend it. ‘Are you serious?! I AM YOUR BOYFRIEND!’

My evening class had just ended. I was heading to his 1-bedroom house. He had asked that I stay at his place because campus was near. I never gave it a thought. We were in a relationship. We were couples.

The phone rang. It was his call. A video call on Instagram. ‘Babe’. He was in his office. ‘I want you now’. I smiled. ‘Send ‘em! Send ‘em!’ He uttered in excitement. I ignored him. ‘Babe are you sending? I want to see them now!’ He was now getting tempered. I abruptly ended the call like nothing happened. That evening, chaos erupted.

(My bestie Jojo had warned me severally about my relationship with Omanji. ‘He’s different, eh..?!’ she exclaimed, ‘Ona sasa...’)

That Friday, I was back on the streets. I had the song, ‘Bad Gyal by Maandy’ on repeat. That tag. It reminded me of him. Omanji was now an X. I was struggling to keep up with life. Omanji had made it simpler. Life had forced me to corners I never chose. I was dependent.

I remembered the Male Gaze. The constant undressing with his eyes. I became a thing to be desired and then discarded. It was rarely the meeting of souls. It left a taste of disgust, a feeling of being used. I never signed up for this.

Let's talk about the bitter beginnings. That first kiss, stolen by someone from my childhood, a supposed friend. It wasn't just a kiss, was it? It was a moment of awakening to a crude desire. A violation that left a mark. I went to say Hi, a simple catch up. And I left with a stolen piece of myself.

Then a prominent figure. Lunch date! I thought, a chance to climb a rung or two. I dressed decently thinking Heshima open doors. The Audacity! The wandering hands, the tight unwanted hugs. From a married man! The repeated attempts to kiss me after my firm ‘Nos’. It was then with his crude question about my ‘fallen boobs’ that the male gaze truly landed. Heavy and insulting. It stinged. My fallen boobs were a silent testament to hardship.

And then the respected one, the mentor I held in high esteem. The revelation that my brilliance was just a favor. It stung, didn't it? That feeling of being undeserving, of being chosen for the wrong reasons…

He craved my physical form. A desire to witness my vulnerability, my nakedness. His assistance came wrapped in favors. A job for my sister. A high-esteemed position for me. Yet beneath the surface of generosity, a transaction was unfolding. He desired me.

His reasons shifted. Initially, a carefully chosen Bible verse served a justification. Then came the rhetoric of love. Finally, the pretense crumbled. Revealing the raw desire. It was the core of his intentions.

Independence was a lesson he deliberately withheld. What mattered to him was the time I spent in his orbit, the investment in my family and the expectation of a physical return. He even sought to involve my mother. Painting a picture of his supposed greatness.

My feelings for him were never romantic. I saw a father figure. A potential mentor. But now a bitter realization settled within me. All Men are the same. Beneath the kindness and support. His intentions were base. He was here for one thing: THE SEX.

Comments (6)

• Phostine Ojwang'❤️

  August 15, 2025

  This is painfully raw and beautifully written. You’ve captured what so many women feel but struggle to express — the betrayal hidden behind affection, the power games masked as love, and the weight of the male gaze. Thank you for telling the truth, even when it stings. This isn’t just a story, it’s a reflection of a larger reality.💕

• Tashney

  August 8, 2025

  It takes different individuals different times to develop feelings and even fall in love. Maybe hours, days, weeks or even months. Love is a beautiful thing. It gives us butterflies, makes us feel special. Love heals, love builds, and it also motivates. When in love, we feel that anything is possible. It is okay to be in love but is not okay to let love ruin you.

• Dan✌️✌️

  August 6, 2025

  Am just 😶,,should this be a wake up calland is it all men are the same?,,nice one,,really expecting more from u😊✌️

• Dennis Ngigi

  August 2, 2025

  Sex is underated these days

• ROBIN

  July 31, 2025

  How the influencers come out strongly in the society and able to make various trends look just normal and the influence they give to people. It is a big discussion that needs to be discussed critically

• Gift

  July 31, 2025

  Woah, this article is just very true, it just reflects that real world giving a clear scenarios of what exactly happens. Big up the author.