He sent over one thousand texts, but he couldn’t make plans for us. We met. But he couldn’t text back. Well, today he is not texting. Neither is he making plans to meet. I’m Coda. I am writing a letter. No, maybe a story or maybe a blog that is intended to be read but not to be remembered.

****

We met on Tirries Tuesday. My name, Andi, arrived in her life like Bien’s song Chikwere. Talking stage was short. But it's the way I looked at her. It made her heart skip a beat then suddenly stopped. I wondered. Became unsure. Should I sprint or crawl?

I became cautious with my words. Yet reckless with my silence. I texted good morning yesterday, but today I did not. Tomorrow I am not sure if I should text. It gives an expression of lesions in the colon doctors would call skip lesions. It's a week already. She learnt to live through that gap. No texts. I liked the sound of her laughter. Hers was so unique. Like a rooster king in the village. Loud, Deep and yet Dangerous.

One random night I sent a poem at midnight. Incomplete lines. Wavy but stunning.

I in this silence, the moon hides, jealous of your glow,

My heart writes your name in the silence between stars,

And the night shivers, knowing you are my only wish.

I know that she reviews our chats. She watches my name on the screen. Below my name online it shows. Present. But not available. Unreachable like darkness in a derelict house. Curious to enter but fearful of an unknown weird encounter. She didn’t know whether to hold her saliva or swallow me. She questioned. Was it the attachment or an excellent performance.

Every time she tried to avoid me or walk away, I knew a trick to hold and bring her back. A gentle gesture. So gentle that it made hesitation look stupid. I always gave her just enough. Keeping her pondering but never enough to make her decide.

When we met we held hands. This whispered promises. Promises of protection.

*****

But…

How could I go out with the boys on your birthday? Yes, I forgot. Did I really, when we had just talked about it the other day! But for you, that felt like proof. A proof that I don't care or perhaps not thoughtful. You replied to my text messages like carols. Looking for meanings, emojis, comas, and full stops; then slowly looking around for me. I never said I love you, but I looked like I might, and I really might. I neither said goodbye, nor stayed. It was not love; it was almost love.

Were you waiting? You couldn’t just say it? Okay. Perhaps you were waiting for an apology. Or just a confession from me. Or at least I should have written a sentence. But the real deal here is that there was no sentence, not a confession and not even an apology.

You became hypervigilant. You just wanted to avoid me. You wanted to protect your vulnerability. You went quiet. In the spaces I used to occupy. I was unable to notice at first. Or maybe I did. I thought you will be back, the way you have always done. But this time you didn't. You had finally opened the right page with the meaning of silence not as a mystery, but disinterest.

I am telling you the reasons I was and wasn't around. I wanted to give you space to evaluate your feelings without pressure. I wanted to protect my reputation. I wanted to build tension and excitement around our conversations. None of this can overrun your consciousness because you have already created someone. Someone not just present in his poetry but also present physically. Someone that doesn't make you wonder. Someone that prepares and serves you breakfast in bed. Someone that doesn't flirt with you in mystery but takes the whole of you with confidence and clarity. But what about the whispers? Well, you now know how to differentiate between someone who speaks either their whole heart or none. For sure, uncertainty could also be an answer.

#Don't chase clarity where there is intentional fog

Comments (8)

• LO

  August 27, 2025

  Amazing...

• Joseph

  August 17, 2025

  Don't chase the clarity 😌😌...

• Celli ml

  August 13, 2025

  Let me cook🥣. I hate blue ticks let alone greys. We all know that this dude wants you but hasemi🤷‍♀️. Secondly, leaving me on the edge gives idc vibe. Clearly, it show the man does’t have a future. Huyo hana plans za security and blah(What a woman looks for in a man). For this, I’d better pack my things and Runnnnnn🏃‍♀️.

• Stella

  August 13, 2025

  Wow! Really nice piece. Give us more like this one.

• Jimmy Kariuki

  August 13, 2025

  This piece is priceless! The way you have described the complex interplay of emotions between the two is terrific! Can't wait to read more of your pieces!

• Faith Njoki

  August 13, 2025

  This is good this Alex. First things first, I like that's poetic 🤤. Also, it's very relatable to young people navigating relationships. I wanna read more from you!

• Andi

  August 13, 2025

  Absolutely an amazing piece! The vivid description, the twist and turn… loving it!!

• Author

  August 13, 2025

  First piece, first read, more to come🔥